Zombitude

I've figured out what the deal is with zombies. They suffer from death apnea, a condition that interrupts their normal death and causes them to go slouching around, making weird noises and trying to eat people's brains. What they need are E-NAP (Eternal Negative Air Pressure) machines that would suck all the air out of them so they could go back to being normally dead and leave everyone else the fuck alone. Are you listening, health care industry? Which begs the question: would insurance pay for the machines? We couldn't very well blame the zombies if they couldn't afford the machines. After all, whatever it is they do doesn't pay a lot, except for the ones that manage to get into government. 

The Lewy Body Song

The Lewy Body Song

Sung to the music of 

"Meet Me In St. Louis" 

New lyrics © 2021

Daniel R. Shapiro 

You might think I'm screwy, Louis

But you should be aware 

I've got Lewy Bodies, Louis 

For now I'm still all there. 

So I'll stick with my Namenda®

And I'll drink my tea with Splenda®

And I won't say "fooey," Louis

If I know you care,

For the uninitiated: Lewy Body Dementia is the condition with which I was diagnosed recently. Namenda® is the medication that helps me keep it at bay. 

Kanye Shmanye

With which pole of the bipolar multimillionaire are we supposed to empathize: the manic self-aggrandizing assh*le or the depressive apologizing assh*le? How about empathy for the many people who struggle with debilitating emotional conditions and don't have a ranch inWyoming in which to hide out? People make such a big deal about his insult of Harriet Tubman. How about starting a religion with televangelist charlatan Joel Osteen or running for President which would just distract from important issues? Get a grip and grow up (directed at both him and those who enable him). 

Wealthy Zombies

There's a TV series called The Walking Dead about people dealing with a zombie apocalypse. Now that the government has given all that money to dead people, there could be a series called The Limo-Riding Dead. 

Religion & Pandemics

I purchase the ingredients for my sodas - carbon dioxide canisters and syrups - from a company called SodaStream. The products are made in Israel, on the West Bank in fact, which brings up issues I may discuss at another time.

Because of the current pandemic, the factory must be closed because my favorite flavors, diet ginger ale and diet lemonade, aren't available. I'm planning to write the following to the company:

I hope the regular flavors will be available by Rosh Hashanah. Otherwise you will have a lot to atone for on Yom Kippur. 

Lying

If Trump lies as much as he does, maybe he lied when he took the oath of office. His defense could be that he wasj0ust  kidding.

Surprises and Regrets

I've said a number of times that if anyone had told me 20 years ago that I'd see a Black President, legal marijuana, and same-sex marriage in my lifetime I would have rolled my eyes and gone back to smoking my illegal marijuana. Not to mention that we may very well have a woman President very soon.

Regrettably we still have capital punishment, despite how many inmates have been exonerated. It's so ridiculous that we have one state reinstating the firing squad because there's a shortage of the lethal chemicals. Maybe they should use the chemicals that murderers use on their victims.

And of course there's still racism but I doubt if that will ever go away. Look what goes in Africa and the Middle East, though in the Middle East it's more religious than racial.

There's always good news and bad news. Going to Mars might be a good thing, though I doubt if I will live to see that.

Pepsi vs. Coke

Every time Pepsi has a new ad campaign, I picture some little guy in a little room in the advertising department at PepsiCo jumping up and down and yelling out loud but to himself "This time we're going to beat Coke."

I should live so long

There's a commercial for a product for treating diabetic neuropathy, which is an inflammation of the nerves, particularly in the feet, caused by diabetes. The woman they had in the ad was extremely obese. So I thought, her obesity is the primary cause of her diabetes in the first place and the extra weight is putting more pressure on her feet. In an imaginary enlightened world wouldn't it be nice if they could have a combination ad where they say: Take this medicine to treat your diabetic neuropathy and while you're doing that, why don't you get to work losing those extra pounds--call Weightwatchers®. 

Of course in an imaginary enlightened world nobody would be obese and have diabetes. It's always something. 

Cialis commercials

When I see Cialis commercials I imagine a dialog that goes along with the scene. I think I should collect them.

Scene 1: 
Look we found an old LP in the attic. 
Let's fuck! 

Scene 2:
I saw you putting on one shoe while hopping on the other foot. 
Let's fuck! 

More to come. 

Racism is racism

The beating of the Black kid in Brooklyn by those ultra-Orthodox assholes who called him "faggot" while he was on the ground and they were still beating him is almost as bad, just as bad, or worse than that asshole Cliven Bundy saying that the Blacks were better off under slavery. These are the people who want to make sure we remember the Holocaust, but they've obviously forgotten it themselves or haven't learned anything from it. It makes me sad and angry.

It also occurred to me that the ultra-Orthodox seem to feel that they have the inside track on the Mashiach*. They should ponder the question that when the Mashiach* comes, would he want to see them running around beating people up? 

*That's Messiah for all you goyim.

Moderation

I was away for 6 days and it's easy to tell that my resident cat missed me. She follows me around all the time and if I lie down she's on me like white on rice, snuggling and purring. I don't mind this, in fact I really like it. But in about 24 hours she'll be back to "Who the fuck are you and where's my food?" I just wish she would spread out the affection part more.

Interesting taste experience

I bought some Tic-Tacs I thought were wintergreen flavored. When I got them home I realized they were actually green apple. The first couple I tasted I thought were terrible. Later, after some noshing and some dining, I tried them again and they were delicious. I realized that my first reaction was because I expected them to be wintergreen and they weren't. Then later when I knew what they were I could actually taste them. Hmm. There may be a lesson to be learned here.

Retired Numbers/Names

You know how in baseball they retire the numbers of famous players after they retire? On the Yankees, the numbers of Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and others are all retired, i.e. nobody else on that team will ever get to wear that number.* I think in India they should retire the name Gandhi. It's just weird to see that name on some minor actress. In fact, it always bugged me that Indira Gandhi had it because she was so un-Gandhiesque.

*Interesting sidelight: Mariano Rivera has the number 42. That number has been permanently retired throughout major league baseball because it belonged to Jackie Robinson. Mariano was grandfathered in, i.e. he had the number before they made the rule. So when he retires, nobody will ever wear that number. The odd thing is that he should certainly have his number retired but they can't really do that because the number is already retired. I wonder what they'll do.

Tea Bags

This would probably require some research but I think at the time of the Boston Tea Party nobody used tea bags. Also if I remember correctly the Boston Tea Party was about no taxation without representation. The problem is that the people whom the Tea Party elected to represent them are interested in taxing them and not in taxing the place where most of the money resides--the coffers of the rich. The way it works is this: if the tax is 10% and I make $20,000 a year, the government gets $2,000. But if a person who makes $200 million a year pays 10%, the government gets $2 million. Get it?

Perils of Pedestrianism

It's getting harder and harder to walk around the streets of New York City--or to be more accurate, the streets of Manhattan. Partly it's because more and more smaller buildings are being replaced by more and more larger buildings, which means there are more and more people occupying a static amount of space.

Adding to this is the seemingly exponential growth in the number of tourists. This is in large part due to the state of the US economy and the poor state of the US dollar vis-a-vis other currencies. This makes it more economical for furriners to come here than for us to go there. It also means that many Americans can't even afford trips overseas so they travel locally.

The influx of tour buses is so extreme that the city is considering building a huge parking garage for them just to get them off the streets. And there are areas of the city, particularly in lower Manhattan, where the width of the sidewalks has been increased to accommodate tourists entering and exiting the buses, which cuts into the flow of vehicular traffic.

Riddle

What do you call someone who cuts lesbians' hair so they look more masculine?
A butcher.

Corporate Jets

I was reading an article in the Times today about the market for corporate and private jets. There are jets being sold for $40-$60 million, with an addition $8 million being spent on decorating the cabins to resemble hotel suites. And these aren't being sold at the rate of several per year. They're being cranked out at the rate of hundreds per year.

While the average traveler is being gouged by the airlines and provided with ever-decreasing levels of service, these corporate types, many of whom are probably airline executives, are roaming around in luxury. Aside from the incredible disparity in world wealth this represents, these people obviously no concern for the environment. While the average gnugny is worried about electric cars and recycling his garbage, these people are willing to spew billions of gallons worth of waste into the atmosphere, not to mention ginning up the price of oil. Ironically, this comes at a time when we're being treated to ads from communications companies showing how business can be conducted globally without actual travel. So the main transportation purposes of these corporate jets is to send their people on junkets, many I'm sure to visit their properties in places like New York City where they artificially jack up the price of real estate.

Descartes on breakfast

Cogito Eggo sum.
I think I am a waffle.

No wonder his hair looks so good

Click on the image to see it in action.